The Misadventures of an Enthusiast of Love |
I'm on a mission to experience love, not just romantic love as most people would expect, but to find love of myself, love of others, love of the divine, and last of all, love of a man. I figure I'll begin with love of myself because as the old saying goes, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself." Here I go again on my own... |
I obviously have not blogged in a while. I honestly got tired of reading and talking about my shit. I was annoying myself. Today, I had a revelation though that absolutely must be shared.
When I was 14, my mom told me that I would meet someone when I was 16. When I was 16, I was told it would be when I went to college. After a few ridiculous relationships, my mom said it would be once I found a career. Now, my family I’m pretty sure is convinced that I’m a lesbian. The underlying point in all of this, according to Sybil, was that it’s not me, it’s them. I realized that mom does not always know best.
After several failed relationships, I have become a little cold, a little skeptical, and afraid. I caught myself mid-running from a perfectly nice man today, and it got me thinking about the people I have met in the past few years. I have been given numerous opportunities to be in a serious relationship but have sabotaged every single one. Most of these men are married now, typically to the person they met right after me.
I realized in all of this that I don’t want that anymore. In the words of India Arie, “I am ready for love.” I want it with someone in particular, but if that doesn’t work out, I’m going to try and keep the door to my heart open rather than slamming it shut.
